My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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