dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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