My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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