It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this boner is exhausting
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
how drunk are you?
Several
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
