I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
