You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Soap is not a condiment
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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