I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
