The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
