9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
