i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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