It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
