whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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