this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
