my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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