And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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