Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
