There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
