my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
