I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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