i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she looked like the before picture.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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