So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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