Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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