We won't sleep together?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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