saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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