I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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