That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
