you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
