How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
