He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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