Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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