This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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