I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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