were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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