There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Couch. On fire.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
