In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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