Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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