nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
