Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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