There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
