what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
