I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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