I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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