you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
