I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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