Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fuck appropriateness.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
