Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
