Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
