I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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