It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
