Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
