he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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