Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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