Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
