Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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