didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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