it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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