There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
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well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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