She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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