Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
