he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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