Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You left your phone here
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