turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
