i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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