i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
