Nicole vs. Life
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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