dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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