like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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