Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
