The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
a search helicopter?!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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