I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
