if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
