I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
