Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
