I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
