would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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