I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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