They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
