You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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