Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
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For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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