So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
