Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
