Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
